A day

I awoke after what seemed like a night saturated in nightmares.

I burnt the milk in my coffee, so poured it down the sink, chastising myself for wastefulness. I made another coffee, this time the milk a little too cool. With little time left to drink it, I took one slow gulp, closing my eyes and taking in the rich bitterness. I took a few, more rapid, gulps. I tipped the rest down the sink, in my mind giving my apologies to the innocent liquid.

On the way down our path my ankle ached sending an uncomfortable heat up my calve. I looked to the sky and worried we would be late, it was getting light. Somehow I had confused light with dark or dark with light or day with night or night with day, I'm not sure. Whatever it was we were early, when I saw the time I let out a little laugh.

At morning tea time, on the way out, I saw a group of people standing around, looking overly upset. As I walked a little further I saw what they saw, someone lay on a couch, mostly blocked from my view by concerned bystanders. A paramedic fluttered around. My mind froze and my heart sped up as I kept walking. I got outside and saw the ambulance. I crossed the road and crossed another road then I walked into a cafe and back out I walked to the curb then went back into the cafe. The line was long, I took my place. I asked myself why I was acting so stupidly, I wasn't the one who needed an ambulance, I had no right being upset. I realised I hadn't taken my pill. I took it there standing in line. I ordered a muffin and a large latte take away. On reflection the coffee was not good for my racing heart. I thought about my dad and his heart attack, his quintuple bypass, as I seem to think of it. I tell myself not to be stupid for bringing up old hurts, ones that weren't even mine to own.When I saw the ambulance had gone I left the cafe I crossed the road and crossed another road and went back into work. After listening to someone talk for a while about something I cant remember I asked tentatively if she knew what had happened that needed the ambulance. Someone at work had had a mini stroke, she couldn't speak. It's happened before, multiple times. Eventually she was able to speak again. I used to sit near this woman, she would talk to herself as she worked, she'd reprimand herself, calling herself a stupid bitch. It made me flinch and smile. The person I was talking to called her an Iron lady, she always comes back to work in a few days, reprimanding herself for having another stroke.

At 2.30 we have stretching time. I crossed my legs, one on top of the other. I stretched out my arms in front of me, pulling my belly to my knees. I drifted away from the office. Then someone called my name. Apparently my stretching was 'next level'. The teenager that I work with wanted to tr, her younger legs seeming so stiff, flinging themselves away from her. She kept trying and trying falling over backwards and sideways. Eventually, lying on her back she managed, someone else had to try and pull her onto her bum, there was lots of giggling. We warned her to be careful of ripping her pants. Two other people easy wrapped one leg over the other. The teenager couldn't understand why her body was so disobedient. We then got talking about walking on our knees with our legs still crossed. I'm sure we used to do it in Primary school. I got talked into (it didn't require much talking) trying it. I warned I might fall on my face, but I would give it a go. I swung my bum upwards, my whole body rocked forwards and swung back, I tried again this time I ended on my knees. I lifted one knee up and pulled it forward, then I did the other. I moved across the floor. There were a lot of giggles. I felt a little proud, but my knees hurt, it reminded me of when I used to go to church, kneeling on the pews, pews is that what they're called? I never enjoyed kneeling.

Later I went to eat the rest of my muffin, it felt thick and gluey in my mouth, like peanut butter. I left a quarter, maybe I'll eat it later.

I wonder how I will sleep tonight.