Last night I couldn't sleep. My thoughts raced around, not yet fully formed. My onsie twisted up and around on me. My pillow was too warm. My skin felt itchy.
I tried to slow my breath, breathing in to the count of 10 feeling air push my lungs wide open, then I would breath out for a count of 10 feeling my lungs deflate, shriveling at the last few seconds of air being pulled out. It didn't help.
Eventually, I did sleep.
This morning I woke up to the alarm, he wrapped his body around me and I felt warm and relieved. The alarm went off again. He got up turning on the lights and going to run the shower, the sound somehow comforting. I squinted at the lights, my eyes wouldn't open. I wondered why sometimes you could open your eyes to the light with no trouble and other times it felt like torture. I wondered if it was all in my head. With him gone my thoughts raced around. A part of me felt like placing my feet upon the ground, letting them carry the wait of my upright body would be opening myself up to things I did not want to hold. After trying again and again my eyes stayed open, gradually becoming less squinty until they were relaxed, aside from the occasional twitch from my right eye. The light was gently welcoming. Outside light hadn't yet arrived.
No comments:
Post a Comment