I like to sleep against the wall

My fella's mum came to stay. They moved our bed away from the wall, it stops condensation and the blankets feeling icky, apparently.

I like to sleep against the wall. I like to touch the solid cool wall. I will touch it with my knee, or my forearm, or my head.

I love to cuddle my fella, I love the warmth of his body, the scent of his skin, but when it is time for sleep I turn over and wedge myself in the corner, re-acquainting myself with the wall.

It reminds me of what my Dad sometimes jokingly says 'center yourself'. What if I center myself with the reliable solidity of a concrete wall?

For as long as I can remember I have slept up against a wall, I almost never hit my head on it anymore.

My mum used to tell me in the middle of the night she would hear a loud bump, it was just me hitting the wall, nothing to worry about.

Sometimes I sit bolt upright with a look of abject fear on my face,my fella will tell me I'm safe, maybe gently rub my back and I go back to sleep, I don't remember it the next day but he has never complained of bumps in the night.

The night they moved our bed I told myself it was fine. I wrapped myself up in bed, snuggled against my fella, breathing him in and then I turned over and I noticed my breath rising and falling, I tossed and turned a little.

As time went on my head started to race, not anything in particular, just zig zagging from one topic to the next. Then I started to worry, what if  I fall out of bed? I reminded myself again and again that adults don't fall out of bed their bodies or their subconscious stops them, it must,  I haven't heard of an adult falling out of bed.

I don't know what happened next but eventually I got to sleep.

When I woke up in the morning I had taken all the blankets and fed them down my side of the bed, only leaving myself covered, my fella was bare. It's winter.

. . . . .

Last night I went to sleep quickly. We slept through our alarm and when we woke up we were both snuggly and warm and the blankets were where they should be.